I was so depressed when I woke up this morning. As it happened, I didn't get up for my walk until 8, so I only walked for an hour. I felt so much better, out in the cold air, just thinking and burning cals. I would have walked for hours more, except I had to go back at 9 to get ready to go with so n soz. I shall get up early and walk at the track every morning from now on, I think.

I could get up at 5, walk to the track, walk/jog at the track till 6:25, walk to the gym, lift weights till 6:50, run back to dorm and take a shower before 8:00 class. Then ride the stationary bike for an hour at 9 PM on M/W/F, tae kwon do 9-10:30 PM on T/R. Yes. This shall be sweet.

I had cereal at the cafeteria, and am suddenly consumed with the possibility that the cereal scoop could hold more than 1 cup. I get 2 scoops and if each scoop is 1 1/2 cups rather than 1, then that would be an extra cup, or 120 cals, unnaccounted for. Idk??!

Day 4, but have I gotten anywhere? No, I've been hardbore b/ping ever since the 15th. wtf?! Must stop. This is the way I've always coped with extreme stress...this has to change!

The thing that pisses me off the most is that I don't think I would have fallen back into mia so many times since starting college if I hadn't received so many care packages. Every time I've started getting back on track, I'd get a new box of food. I'd think, I'll just eat a little...and 3 hours later I've done a complete binge and purge.

So, from now on, the food I receive in the mail either goes straight to the trash, or on my wall as decoration.

Ahhhh my bloody grades. From now on, I am focusing on two things: 1) Homework 2) working out

My size goal is now Hot Topic size 0, which is Waist 24/hip 34. I'm currently 27 3/4 and 37 3/4.

This guy who I sort of kind of like...well he likes me anyway...is like, a total workoutaholic, annnd...I think he's either bulimic or addicted to laxatives. Or both. I've been both of these before, so I just...notice certain things. His legs are skinnier than mine and he can wear women's size 2. Since this mia phase started I've had love handle issues with my size 2s. If he weren't taller I would totally weigh more than him. Ug I am so fat. Anyway, he is VERY attractive. Idk why he is interested in me, but whatever.

The binging I did today was disgusting. I didn't purge everything, so at 5AM I am going to the track by the fields and walking, if nothing else, until 9.

After all those wasted days of binging and purging my face off, tomorrow I for realz will start posting everything I eat, and possibly the exercise I do. I am going to start measuring myself every 5 days, starting with MK 10. Goal: 24/34 by Thanksgiving (I fly home for Thanksgiving November 27/MK 44?). So...40 days to size 0!!!

Eating plan: cereal when I go to the cafeteria with people, and a small can of tuna/fat free chicken if I can't make it through a workout without it (I probably won't have that problem for quite a while, seeing as I've been eating so much).

...and this field.

I can't even write about it. I am such a disgusting piece of sluttiness. Such a skank I be.

I joined the Mary-Kate challenge. I wanna freak everybody out at Christmas.

//EDIT// It's a new guy...I broke up with my boyfriend on the 6th. Me and this new guy, we'd already very frankly said we only liked each other as friends. I don't recommend friends with benefits. You will feel like total crap. Maybe because THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE when you practically have sex in a field and under a tree and behind a truck with a guy you don't actually like like? Crap, I don't do things like this! What is this!!!!